Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
