well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
