It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
