go do what you do best...puke behind churches
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
