No awkward lesbian experiences without me
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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