I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
