I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
