I'm eating all of the evidence.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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