My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
