He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
