frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize