I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
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