Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
