I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize
