party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Why is there bacon in the couch?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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