I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
