I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
