Soap is not a condiment
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
