Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
