lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
