I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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