I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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