we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
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