Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
