Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
