my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
