break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
