Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
