Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
