Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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