She is in my trunk
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
bring money and cleavage
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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