i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
