Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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