oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
