bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
