He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
