Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Randomize
