Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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