R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
