He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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