i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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