speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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