I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
