fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
