a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Randomize
