I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
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