I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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