Jerry, you need to find god
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
