i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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