Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
