Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
