happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Randomize
