This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
