New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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