bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Randomize
