How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Randomize
