you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I don't deserve a penis
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Shame is for Republicans.
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