I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Randomize
