I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
