i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
