end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
