I must be too annoying 4 u.
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
