I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
