Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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