I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
