cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
