you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
