you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
