I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
