I hate all girls vehemently.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
