dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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