I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
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