You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
