You just made me feel so damn special
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
my shit smells like andre
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
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