I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
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