I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
